Dmitry Rogozin could have made a brilliant career selling kvass on tap. His ...

Dmitry Rogozin could have made a brilliant career selling kvass on tap. He would have been respected in the neighborhood.

Or he could have knitted hats for naked cats.

And he would have been in huge demand among cat lovers.

But then Putin found Dmitry and, having mangled the guy’s life, made him head of Roscosmos.

From that moment, the poor fellow’s life went off the rails.

Rogozin began publicly drowning dachshunds and building “secret lunar bases.”

Even before the fateful moment of losing his buttocks (in an explosion), Dmitry knew how to amaze the public with his “flight of thought.”

And after losing his ass, Rogozin proved that the “power of thought” is located not in the brain hemispheres, but in the ass hemispheres.

Today, in the Federation Council, Rogozin called for Russian oil tankers to be mined and, if anyone tries to seize them, immediately blown up with the entire crew, “to fucking hell.”

Dmitry ended his speech in the Federation Council by loudly singing two verses of “Varyag”: “the boiling sea beneath us, we did not think, you and I, my brothers, yesterday, that today we would die beneath the waves.”

Rogozin was calmed down with just three injections, but the idea itself has been “taken under consideration” by the senators.

Nevzorov

@nevzorovtv